veienjegserdet

.. Så savner jeg dere, jeg savner drammenturene, og jeg savner å se alle sammen. Jeg savner dere, og da vi var sammen. Det er ikke lenge siden, men jeg føler at jeg har forlatt dere. Jeg ser bildene på face, og er med på å le litt hånlig av dem, men helt ærlig, så skulle jeg ønske at jeg var med. Det skulle bare være en liten pause, før det ble noen krangler, og endte med slutten på hele greia.

 En hemmelighet jeg må bære, er at jeg savner dere..

Unnskyld.. 

faen

vet ikke engang hva jeg skal si

jeg kommer til å ende venneløs

I have completely lost the ability to express my feelings.. I don't even know what I feel.. except from one thing ; 
I feel closed 

I seriously have to stop now.. It's bad enough with the scars I have now, I can't make more! I know myself that I am happy too, and think like my "normal" me! I know that I want to walk in T-shirts and singlets in the summer, and specially go swimming! I must stop with this, but I'm not gonna draw more butterflies.. I feel like I can't..

So from now on, I'm going to try not to cut. And I will write here, as soon as I do it! I hope I'm not going to cut more now...  but it's onw thing..

I feel like im two personalities.. (I KNOW it's stupid..) one happy(myself, as i call it) and the ither one.. The other one want's to bleed and die. But myself want to leave and be like a typical teenager.. It makes me so confused.. and I still don't know how to explain it properly, but I tried to give a little hint now..

This is a boring text so far, I'm sorry.. But hey, let's see how long I can take it without cutting.


*dramatic look in the light, trying to look cool, but really, is stupid for putting a picture with the face showing that much*


Last time, I watched the wounds, as the blood, which was mixed with the water from the shower, was running down my arm. I liked to see it bleed like that. Dripping on the floor. But as usual, I kinda regreted when I looked back at the wound.. It didn't stop me from cut again though, but I put down the blade when I remembered that I ate a little too much that day... Now I had to trow up

Hehe... while I was cutting myself, I looked at my hair.. And then i started to cut my hair in the front untill I looked like this :



I know, kinda sensured it...

Anyway, I'm going to be weird and put out pictures of my cutting again..  Don't know why, but it makes me feel better..



If you think that's stupid, don't comment, please.. Its just.. I dont know, bye.. 


Why am I so weird.. 

im going to stop writing here. whats the point anyway? nobody cares, og even reads.. soo yeah. 

The feeling came back.. I fucking knew it... Well that's just great! Now I'm having times of the day again when I really wan't to die! And now I'm looking forward to when the butterflies fade away, because I feel like bleeding more than ever! Fan-fucking-tastic! At least I'm not gonna cut my arm, because summer, and bathing and all that, does not fit well with wounds on the arm.

I think I'm going to  cut my lip, and say that I bit myself, and cut on the right side of my stomach maybe.. I don't know.. We'll see. Oh, I also feel like killing the bitch now. Is there a psycic problem with me then? I like see myself and her in the kitchen, and then I stab her in the throat.. haha, how FUCKING FUNNY. 

Jesus christ... I guess I'll just.. i don't know.. Gaaaaad.. I fucking knew it.

I KNEW it was still there..

Help? Anyone.. 

Now I have drawn four butterflies <3 





 
The four names are Johanne, Maria, Camilla and Kristine in case it is hard to read :p byee 

Right now I have taken on a cozy sweater, which smells good <3 And earlier then I tookpictures of the cuts .. they have grown a lot now, and I will keep it that way <3 the last onesI believe will be scars, but it will go, just no more .. I do not feel like cutting the moment, butknow that later, I'm going to want to bleed, therefore I will go and draw new butterflies! The others disappeared in the shower yesterday, you know .... hehe (a)

it's not a clear photo, and as the ego i am, i had to bring more of myelf in the photo..

but seeya!<3